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Health & Fitness

What if you want to adopt but your spouse or partner isn't sure?

This is a great question and it often comes up when a couple is trying to decide to adopt. Especially if there are fertility issues. It is  not at all uncommon for one partner to be more interested than the other.  As you go through the process of adopting, and it is a process, you may find that you flip-flop.  As the partner who was more hesitant learns more and becomes more comfortable with the decision, you may find yourself second guessing adoption.

Most couples will experience a myriad of emotions while going through the process and most of the time, your emotions will not be in sync with one another. Most of the time, it's a good idea to pursue adoption if you are both on board.  One person may be more hesitant or anxious.  Being anxious about adopting is expected, just as being anxious while pregnant is part of the process.

All new and expectant parents experience anxiety. Becoming a parent is one of the most stressful life changes one can experience. If one of you has reservations or doubts, talk about them. Talk them over with each other, with a trusted friend or your adoption social worker.  They don't mean you area less committed to the process but that you are thinking critically about it.  

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If one person is adamantly against the decision and really does not want to move forward, it is best to meet with a therapist and decide if you can come to an agreement.  Going forward with an adoption because your partner wants it will likely set up a very difficult parenting and attachment dynamic.

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