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The Dirty Dogs of Dating

C'mon now, surely you don't think I mean the guys? I'm talking about the canines!

So what does it take to meet a nice guy in this town? Seriously. I seem to have no problem meeting fantastic guys through my job who live 3,000 miles away, or awesome dudes who are 20 years south of moi, but serious local options? Limited, to say the least. If it was just me facing this dilemma I'd say OK, I'm most likely the problem. But no; all of my attractive, smart, successful single girlfriends seem to have the same conundrum. Trying to meet and date a great guy in the D.C. Metro area is for the birds. Or, more aptly, the dogs.

My friends and I have all tried the Meetup groups, the bar scene, setups from well-intentioned acquaintances to no avail. And we've all tried the online dating game at some point to see if the TV ads featuring hot-looking singles having a swell time on their first blind date are even remotely accurate. According to Match.com, you can meet Mr. Right online! Hmmm, where do I begin with the reality check ...?  

First, there are the "players" who have girlfriends or spouses, but are looking for "fun" on the side. Then there are the guys who fudge their age and height. (Statistically speaking it is impossible for 99 percent of the men online to be 49 years old and 6 feet tall. Just sayin'.). Let's not forget the ones who are freshly separated and anxious to dive into a serious relationship (RUN the other way ladies!). And it never ceases to amaze me that there are guys who believe a woman who responds to their profile loaded with photos from 15+ years ago is going to be "pleasantly surprised" when she meets him in person. To be fair, yes, I know there are women out there who pull the same stunt, and they are just as delusional.

With so many potential matches online, how can you possibly cull the field to find the most suitable mate? Well, this savvy gal decided there HAD TO BE a canine connection. Would I delete a potential suitor just because he's a cat-lover or has cats? Yes, I have actually done just that. Realistically, it is not likely going to lead to a serious relationship if my Jack Russell Terrorist views his cat as prey, so there would be no happily blended family in our future. It's best to be brutally honest with oneself in these ventures.

How about the guys who use their dogs as date bait? I believe initially that is why my Canine Wingman buddy Randy adopted his friend, Oliver. Seems to work for him, he's always surrounded by plenty of lovely ladies! On Match.com you'll run across loads of appealing photos of guys cuddling on the sofa with their lovable pooch, or romping in the waves with their furry best friend. And according to Klooff, the app for pet lovers whose vision is to connect all the pet lovers in the world through a fun and simple mobile platform, your dog says a lot about you out there in the dating world. Here's what a survey of their app users revealed:

The top dog breeds to attract men

  1. Golden Retrievers
  2. Labrador Retrievers
  3. Chihuahuas
  4. Poodles
  5. Beagles

The top dog breeds to attract women

  1. German Shepherds
  2. Golden Retrievers
  3. Labrador Retrievers
  4. Siberian Huskies
  5. French Bulldogs

Hmmm, nary a Jack Russell nor Schnoodle in the bunch. I did meet a guy who claimed in his profile he loved dogs and had a Golden Retriever. However, when we met in person, he regaled me with a story about how he "got rid of" the family dog he "got stuck with" after his divorce by taking it to a shelter out of the area and then lied to his kids that the dog "ran away." Wow, impressive and classy. What's not to love?! Oh, and definitely not 6 foot tall or "fit" either. Surprisingly, he was NOT one of the guys featured on a Match.com TV commercial. 

While I have met some interesting gents online, nobody so far that I would consider elevating to a status of co-mingling with my pups. It's time to dump the online gig, and get back to the hottest singles place in town ... the dog park! 

Ramos July 03, 2012 at 11:26 AM
Really ? Nice guys are out there ,, just shallow ladies looking for a brad Pitt type nice guy lol
Robert F. Dorr July 03, 2012 at 05:06 PM
Heidi, my Labrador retriever Autumn and I will look for you in the Vienna Dog Park where I usually have a copy of "MISSION TO BERLIN" with me. In spite of being attractive, smart and successful to use Neal's words, I won't much help with the barren dating landscape but maybe we can match up our dogs. If you haven't done it already, one of us needs to write a blasting opinion piece about Dog Park etiquette. That includes no very small children, please. It's nice to see you still have your good nature and good humor.
Heidi July 05, 2012 at 01:26 PM
Perhaps so, but these days seems Pitt is out and Depp is in. Minus the eyeliner.
Heidi July 05, 2012 at 01:27 PM
Thanks Robert, I look forward to it. And yes, after 10+ years of dog parking, from Reston to Herndon to Vienna and Oakton, I would agree some basic improvement would be helpful.
Robin Baxter July 07, 2012 at 04:51 PM
I agree with Mr. Dorr that a good date (or any social interaction) requires cutting the "electronic umbilical" - no texting, no phone calls. Not unless you are an on-duty doctor! That all elusive "real connection" is hard to establish when one is looking at the screen hoping for something else. And I agree with Mr. Ramos, don't judge a book by its cover. All that aside, I'm sure your fun dogsi make great date attractions!

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